Trump Rally, or A Chump on the Stump

IQ45: Look at that crowd. Obama ever get a crowd like that? Incredible. Incredible men and women. There must be—what?—ten million people here. Nobody gets crowds like this. Nobody. The fire department told me there was—how many people? Twenty-seven million. I think that’s right. Thirty-seven million people in this room. We got people standing on top of people. A lot more than Beto ever did. Remember that guy? I know. Me neither. And now it’s, I don’t know, Pochantas. Crazy Bernie. And Petie Bird. No collusion. Witch hunt. Fake news.
So, I’m like, rich. Really, really rich. That’s because I have good genes. People call me, they say, I have the best genes. In America–they hate America–We love it don’t we? We love America. America, I love you. In America, you can start with nothing. Nothing. A small loan from my father, who was from Germany, you know. Twenty dollars.  And be worth, like, billions and billions. Yuge opportunities. Yuge. But all they want to talk about is Russia. Russia. I never had any coal mines in Russia, OK? I talked to Putin about this. I said to him, I ever have any coal mines in Russia? No, he said. Fake news. And you know what? I believe him. And speaking of coal. We love coal. Good, clean coal. Coal so clean you can take a bath in it. And we’re making billions off the tariffs Chai-nuh is paying us. Billions and billions. Basic economics, folks. I know. I’m a successful businessman. Very,  very successful.
And the Democrats. They have these people in Congress. You don’t know what country they’re from. Not America. Believe me. They want Socialism. Take away your hamberders. Football. Trump-signature tanning beds. They’re on my website with the plastic straws. Red plastic Trump straws. Pass a law against cows. They don’t like cows. I’m serious. That’s their big plan. And windmills. Whoop, whoop, whoop. Gee, can’t watch television tonight, honey. The wind isn’t blowing. You see? Nobody knows technology like Donald Trump.
I was talking to Bob Kraft on the way down here. Good guy. Terrible what they’re did to him. Witch hunt. Good guy. No collusion. And Epstein? I barely knew the guy. Terrible thing. Terrible. Ask the Clintons about him. Am I right?
I’m building a wall. A great big beautiful wall. So beautiful, they should call it Trump Wall. You know what they don’t want? Security. Border security. I have the best security. Look at Chai-nuh. Obama’s house. Big walls. Right? Am I right? They want MS-13 duct-taping women. I like women. I used to run the beauty pageant. Women love me. They love Donald Trump. They know I say I’m gonna do something–my lawyer send them a check–it’s gonna happen.
Just look what we’ve done. They say, he’s racist. He’s whatever. I have more blacks. They love me. Where’s that black? There. Good guy. Great American. Thank you. Thank you. Back with Obama, they lived in cities you couldn’t walk in them. You would get shot. Three years in my administration, we’ve got everybody’s employed. Best economy ever. It’s incredible. Blacks never had it so good. Two hundred thousand dollar a year jobs. That’s why they love me.
They don’t want to run against me. I mean, who would? Crazy. A catastrophe. Total catastrophe. They got, what? Commie Bernie. Pocahontas. Some guy from Indiana and his husband. I don’t know. I don’t know. I got nothing against the gays. The gays love me.
The thing is, they can’t win. They know it. Russia, if you’re listening. They need help. They’re gonna lose so bad. Embarrassing. Total embarrassment. So bad. Believe me. It’s gonna be terrible. Just terrible. Wouldn’t wanna be Chuckie and Nancy come the elections. Little Chuckie Schumer. Pinko Pelosi. Shifty Shiff. They can’t even raise money to run against me. They have to break into parking meters to get it.
Because I’m like smart. OK? My grandfather was Albert Einstein. Went to the best schools. Look at my daughter, Ivanka. Great body. Good genes? Am I right? If I weren’t her father. But, you know. As it says in Two Corinthians. Epstein, right? Crazy thing. I think I met him once. Not my kind of guy. The Democrat Congress. They got climate change. It’s weather. Weather. I talked to the Prince of Whales about this. But they are upset about about the weather. Oh, the weather is so terrible. End of the world. I’m serious. Last winter, snow. All over America. They couldn’t even figure that out. AOC? You listening? Try moving the Cinko dee Mayonnaise decorations and Look. Out. Your. Window. Snow. Maybe they don’t have that where you come from. She wants to take away your cows. Best tacos in the world? Trump tower restaurant.
But they’re not gonna take away your cows. Or your guns. Or your monuments to slave owners who rebelled against this country. Civil War? World War II? Good people on both sides. Very good people.
Democrats don’t have a chance. They know it. Know why? Impeach a president with the best economy ever. Perfect phone call. Cause I’m a winner. They try to steal the election, we’ll hold another one until we get it right.
God Bless, and Keep America Great Again!

Copyright 2019, Robert D. Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Art: By Fibonacci Blue from Minnesota, USA – Protest against Donald Trump’s immigration policies, CC BY 2.0,

About Bob Shepherd

interests: curriculum design, educational technology, learning, linguistics, hermeneutics, rhetoric, philosophy (Continental philosophy, Existentialism, metaphysics, philosophy of language, philosophy of mind, epistemology, ethics), classical and jazz guitar, poetry, the short story, archaeology and cultural anthropology, history of religion, prehistory, veganism, sustainability, Anglo-Saxon literature and language, systems for emergent quality control, heuristics for innovation
This entry was posted in Humor, Trump (Don the Con), Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Trump Rally, or A Chump on the Stump

  1. DT never mentioned the reason why cows need to go — all those cow farts. I have an idea. Provide Trump with 100 big Macs and a diet coke for each burger and then lock him in a sealed room for 24 hours with ten farting cows. What will we find when we unseal the room to let him out 24 hours later?


  2. Pingback: Bob Shepherd Channels The Donald, #45 | Diane Ravitch's blog

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