In Florida, the golf course gators give an altogether new meaning to the term “water trap.”
Considering moving to Florida? Then take a moment to congratulate yourself on your derring-do, you wild thing, you!
Economy. It’s the home of free (I mean really free) enterprise. Selling sinkholes and swampland to Yankees has mostly given way to late-night erectile dysfunction infomercials (yes, a big industry in Florida), casinos, tort law, strip clubs, megachurches, guns shows, Spring Break beach parties, charter schools, sex trade modeling agencies and massage parlors, and pyramid-scheme companies hawking powdered drinks or essential oils or whatever, but it’s still the capital of the con, as all these illustrate. So, of course, it’s home to King Con himself, Donald Trump. (Mar-a-lago recently won a prestigious award for second tackiest dwelling in the universe, after Trump’s apartment in Trump Tower.) Of course, the man who brought you Trump University would locate here. It’s wilder than the Wild West. How do all those grifters end up here? Basically, ne’er-do-wells throughout the country flee the law until they can’t flee any further because there’s an ocean in the way. Florida is famous, ofc, for its amusement parks, but in truth the whole state is something of an amusement park, if your taste in amusements runs to kitsch and crazy.
O Florida! Of thee I sing!
Education in Florida, or Making Education Great Agin. The Florida State Legislature and Gun Club has passed voucher bills that allow parents to use tax dollars to send their children to any school, whatsoever, which has created enormous opportunities for edupreneurs like this one:
Come on down to our “Race to the Top of Mount Zion Enrollment Jubilee” in the old K-Mart parking lot this Saturday and sign yore kids up for Bob Shepherd’s Real Good Florida School. You can use yore Florida State Scholarships to pay for it, and so it’s absolutely FREE!!!! No longer due you havta send yore children to them gubbermint schools run by Socialists whar they will be taut to be transgendered! We offer a complete curriculem, including
World HIS-tory (from Creation to Babylon to the Rapture)
Political Science (We thank you, Lord, for Donald Trump; the Second Amendmint; and protecting our Borders from invading hordes of rapists and murderers)
Anglish (the official language of the United States, and the language the Bible was wrote in)
Science (the six days of creation; how to make yore own buckshot; and how Cain and Abel survived among the dinosaurs)
Economics (when rich people get tax brakes, that makes you richer)
Art (making a Nativity Scene from Popsicle sticks)
And much, much more!!! Plus, you don’t havta worry yore hed about safety, cause all are teachers is locked and loaded!
Copyright 2019, Robert D. Shepherd. All rights reserved.
More more humor (including cartoons) by Bob Shepherd, go here: https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/category/humor/