School Vouchers, or, Coming Soon: Bob’s Real Good Flor-uh-duh Skool and Bob’s Ayahuasca School for Little Cosmic Voyagers

ALERT!!!! PLEASE SHARE.

In his 2020 State of the Disunion Address, Don the Con gave Ditzy DeVoid, his Secretary of the Department for the Privatization of U.S. Education, formerly the Department of Education, everything her little walnut-hard heart could have wished for. He called on requiring states to use taxpayer dollars, in the form of school vouchers (misnamed “scholarships”) to fund private religious schools.

Throughout the country, extreme right-wing Republicans are introducing school voucher legislation, usually based on a boilerplate created by the ultra-right-wing American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC). And, they’ve pushed a case to the Supreme Court, Espinoza v. Montana, to be decided soon, that deals with whether a state has to use taxpayer money to fund private religious schools as they do public schools or can refuse to do that because of the separation of church and state.

So, why is this happening?

The smarter Republicans (I know, I know, give me a break, I mean relative to their Repugnican peers) know that the writing is on the wall. They know that on issue after issue after issue–climate change, Medicare for all, guns, LGBTQX rights, and so on–young people oppose them. So, in a generation, they are facing extinction. What’s a rich, rapacious, worker exploiting, political bobblehead-purchasing, Ayn Randian, war-and-surveillance-profiteering oligarch to do?

Well, since Reagan, the Repugnicans have been able to count on using issues like abortion and LGBTQX rights to stir up the Christian fundamentalist rubes and get them to the polls. And what better way to ensure the creation of a whole new generation of Christian fundamentalist rubes whom they can continue to lead, Pied Piper-like, off the cliff of their own economic powerlessness than to use taxpayer money to fund fundamentalist Christian madrasas throughout the country and to effect the transfer of millions of students (and billions in funding) out of public schools and into those?

This is the method in the madness.

THEY ARE COUNTING ON YOU TO NOT BE PAYING ATTENTION TO ANY OF THIS.

Of course, the Trump vouchers do create some business opportunities. Here are a couple that occur to me:

Business Plan 1 (We Put the Duh in Flor-uh-duh):

Come on down to our “Race to the Top of Mount Zion Enrollment Jubilee” in the old K-Mart parking lot this Saturday and sign yore kids up for Bob Shepherd’s Real Good Floruhduh School. You can use yore Florida State Scholarships to pay for it, and so its absolutely FREE!!!! No longer due you havta send yore children to them gobbermint schools run by Socialists whar they will be taut to be transgendered! We offer compleet curriculems, wrote by Bob’s girlfriend Darlene herself, including

1. World HIS-story (from Creation to the United States of Dimocrat Babylon to the Rapshure)
2. Political Science (We thank you, Lord, for Donald Trump; the Second Amendmint; and protecting our Borders from invading hoardes of rapists and murderers)
3. English (the offishul langwidge of the United States, and the langwidge the Bible was wrote in)
4. Science (the six days of creation; how to make yore own buckshot; and how Cain and Abel survived among the dinosaurs)
5. Economics (when rich people get tax brakes, that makes you richer)

And much, much more!!! Plus, you don’t havta worry yore hed about safety, cause all are teachers is locked and loaded!

Bob’s Real Good Florurduh Skool, located across from Bob’s Gun and Pawn right next to Wild Wuornos’s Adult Novelties.

It’s been real good runnin’ this here skool. Free innerprize! So much better then tryin to live on Darlene’s disability! Make America Grate Agin!

Business Plan 2 (Akashic Kakistonics, or Opening Heaven’s Gate to Every Child):

Tired of those failing public schools? Want to send your child a true Akashic Academy where he/she/they can receive nourishment for the mind AND the soul?

Then enroll him/her/them in Enlightened Master Bob’s AYAHUASCA SCHOOL FOR LITTLE COSMIC VOYAGERS.

Here at Enlightened Master Bob’s, your child will learn how he or she can skip breakfast, lunch, and dinner and draw nourishment directly from Father Sun in our Solar Temple.

We offer complete holistic health training, using our proprietary textbooks on the Ethereal Body, including uncapping and aligning children’s Chakras so they can download DIRECTLY from the Mother Ship the Cosmic Light necessary for the coming Transformation from Earth-bound Homo sapiens to Interdimensional Beings.

In our history classes, students will learn all about Atlantis, Lemuria, Camelot and Glastonbury, the Black Rock Desert, and other Places of Power throughout the Ages.

Students will also learn how to protect themselves against the forces of the Evil Galactic Emperor Xenu and his band of sometimes invisible, shape-shifting reptilian aliens from Alpha Draconis.

But don’t delay! Soon, as our galaxy moves into proximity to the Pleiades, the vibrational tone of the entire planet will rise to such a pitch that we will either undergo Ascension or explode, and everything—the FATE OF THE PLANET– depends on how many young Lightworkers we can bring into Alignment and Cosmic Consciousness before then!

Of course, all this is absolutely FREE because you can use your State Scholarship Voucher to pay for it.

And best yet, all classes are taught by the Spiritual Wives of Enlightened Master Bob himself!!!!
————

Copyright 2020. Robert D. Shepherd. All rights reserved. This post may be freely shared as long as it is unchanged and this copyright notice is retained.

For more of my posts about Don the Con and the Trump misadministration, go here: https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/category/trump-don-the-con/

For more of my writing about Education “Reform,” go here: https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/category/ed-reform/

I’ve written a lot about Ed Reform over the years, and especially about its effects on U.S. pedagogy and curricula. If you don’t want to wade through all that, good places to start are here:

https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/2020/01/06/stopping-by-school-on-a-disruptive-afternoon/

and here:

https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/2017/10/02/the-coring-of-the-six-hundred-with-apologies-to-alfred-lord-tennyson/

and here:

https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/2014/04/10/on-developing-curricula-in-the-age-of-the-thought-police/

and here:

https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/2014/03/15/what-happens-when-amateurs-write-standards/

and here:

https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/2017/09/02/on-the-pseudoscience-of-strategies-based-reading-comprehension-instruction-or-what-current-comprehension-instruction-has-in-common-with-astrology/

About Bob Shepherd

interests: curriculum design, educational technology, learning, linguistics, hermeneutics, rhetoric, philosophy (Continental philosophy, Existentialism, metaphysics, philosophy of language, philosophy of mind, epistemology, ethics), classical and jazz guitar, poetry, the short story, archaeology and cultural anthropology, history of religion, prehistory, veganism, sustainability, Anglo-Saxon literature and language, systems for emergent quality control, heuristics for innovation
This entry was posted in Ed Reform, Humor, Religion, Trump (Don the Con). Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to School Vouchers, or, Coming Soon: Bob’s Real Good Flor-uh-duh Skool and Bob’s Ayahuasca School for Little Cosmic Voyagers

  1. Pingback: Espinoza v. Montana | Bob Shepherd | Praxis

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