Betsy DeVos Assures the Nation that Standardized Testing Will Go Forward in the 2020-21 School Year Despite the Pandemic

Since January 20, 2017, when Donald Trump took the oath to serve his handlers in Moscow by sowing discord in the United States and undermining all U.S. federal government functions, we’ve been able to count on him. Sure, we’ve had disastrous presidents in the past, but none, arguably, has delivered as Donald has (as he endlessly reminds us). Every day, it’s another outrage. I know that I am joined by millions of Americans who get up each morning thinking, what sickness will he perpetrate today? Who or what will be its targets? Gays? Poor kids? Dreamers? Farmers and small business people? Endangered species? Which ally will he completely alienate next, what murderous dictator fete in his Offal Office? So exciting!
Think of his recent hits: secret police in American cities, insisting that we reopen schools fully in the middle of a surge in coronavirus cases and deaths, completely gutting federal environmental regulations. Wow. And recently he’s signaled that he plans to use an Executive Order to ensure that we’ll never again have poor immigrants with little education come to these shores to fulfill their dreams, thus undermining a key promise of the American Experiment. Who knows. Maybe the poem at the base of the Statue of Liberty could read, “Give us your ravenous, rich white people yearning to exploit.” The hits just keep coming, which is pretty amazing given that he’s usually on Executive Time, playing golf or in his den eating cheeseburgers, watching Hannity, and tweeting hate in his inimitable Toddler English.
Take a moment and think of how perfectly Vlad’s Agent Orange, Moscow’s Asset Governing America (MAGA) embodies each of the seven deadly sins—pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth. Gosh, Mr. President. You really are the best! Person, man, woman, camera, TV! Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing!
Of course, it’s too much to expect that lesser villains serving in his maladministration would be able to equal the Master of Mayhem. There can be only one Don the Con, only one Donald “J for the Joker in the Orange Clown Makeup” the Trump. But Ditzy DeVoid, bless her tiny, walnut heart, is doing her best. She’s made things safe for predatory colleges and for rapists on campus, and here we have her imprimatur on invalid, abusive, breathtakingly expensive, curriculum-devolving, pedagogically useless standardized testing numerology! Heckuvajob, Ditzy!

About Bob Shepherd

interests: curriculum design, educational technology, learning, linguistics, hermeneutics, rhetoric, philosophy (Continental philosophy, Existentialism, metaphysics, philosophy of language, philosophy of mind, epistemology, ethics), classical and jazz guitar, poetry, the short story, archaeology and cultural anthropology, history of religion, prehistory, veganism, sustainability, Anglo-Saxon literature and language, systems for emergent quality control, heuristics for innovation
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