Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions, 2022, by Robert Shepherd, Lifestyle Reporter


–Resolved, with resolution, resolutely to do nothing in 2022 to curb the epidemic of school shootings. –The United States Congress

–Petition the warden for Big Mac deliveries. –Donald Trump

–Deputize and arm Citizen Militias to remove from public schools both Socialist librarians and books with the words bed or bladder in them. –Governor Abbott

–Finish our monograph on Heidegger, Lacan, and the Hermeneutics of Gender Fluidity. –Donald Trump, Jr., and Kimberly Guilfoyle

–Publish Not Sissies, our collection of Poems BY Real Men FOR Real Men. –Jordan Peterson and Josh Hawley

–Annex Scandinavia. –Vladimir Putin

–Complete rebranding by replacing antiquated GOP elephant with Pepe the Frog. –Republican Party

–Make film history by releasing blockbuster new concept film about six teenagers, see, who rent a cabin in the woods, see, and like, omg, they start, like, disappearing, one by one because, because . . . THERE’S SOMETHING OUT THERE! –Amazon Originals

–When adults start talking, close my eyes, put my fingers in my ears, and think about ponies. –Abigail, aged 7

–It’s mine. It’s all mine. –Covid


“I see the disinfectant that knocks out uncomfortable ideas in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or almost a cleaning? As you see, an idea gets in the brain, it does a tremendous number on the mind, so it would be interesting to check that.”


Copyright 2021, Robert D. Shepherd. All rights reserved. This post may be reproduced and shared if it is done so in its entirety and contains attribution to its author. Thanks.

For more humor by Robert Shepherd, go here: https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/category/humor/

For more on Don the Con, by Robert Shepherd, go here: https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/category/trump-don-the-con/

About Bob Shepherd

interests: curriculum design, educational technology, learning, linguistics, hermeneutics, rhetoric, philosophy (Continental philosophy, Existentialism, metaphysics, philosophy of language, philosophy of mind, epistemology, ethics), classical and jazz guitar, poetry, the short story, archaeology and cultural anthropology, history of religion, prehistory, veganism, sustainability, Anglo-Saxon literature and language, systems for emergent quality control, heuristics for innovation
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